We are here to do whatever we can to be of service to you during this time of loss and grief. We would like to meet with one or two family members to select readings and hymns and plan a service which will celebrate the life of your loved one. If, at any time you have any questions, or you believe we may be of any assistance to you, please call the Parish Office: 521-2206

Questions and answers:

Q:Can I give a eulogy at the funeral mass?

A:At the present time eulogies are not permitted at a Roman Catholic service. There will be an opportunity at the vigil (the evening before the funeral) for family and friends to share their thoughts and memories of the deceased.

Q:Is Cremation allowed?

A:Yes, as long as it is not done for any anti-Christian reason.

Q:Can I pick the hymns I want for the funeral?

A:We select hymns from the Catholic Book of Worship III or the Glory and Praise Hymnal. Things to keep in mind when selecting hymns are they should be liturgical, easily sung by the community and familiar to the instrumentalist and cantor.

Q:Who should I get to do the readings in Church?

A:It is a good idea to choose people who will proclaim the word in such a way that it ministers to all assembled for the mass. Usually if a member of the family or a friend of the family regularly reads at mass they would proclaim the word at the funeral mass. Regular parish readers are available if need be.

Q:I’m not sure what to do in Church, can you help me?

A:At a time like this, even the most seasoned people are often unsure of themselves. That is why the Bereavement Team is here. We will be visiting you in the funeral home and we will also be at the Church when you get there. If you are uncertain about anything Please Ask!

Q:Do I need to pay the priest or organist or cantor?

A:All charges for the services provided by various people will be discussed with you by the funeral home staff.

Q:I want to have a bulletin or program for Church. Where do I get these?

A:The funeral home staff will discuss this issue with you, please note that you are not required to have one.

Dealing With Grief

While there is no magical solution to dealing with grief, we would like to offer some suggestions which may be of assistance to you:

• Go gently. Your body, mind and heart need energy to mend.
• Don’t overextend yourself. Keep decision making to a minimum.
• There is no fixed period of mourning. Grief takes time, whatever time it takes.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help from those close to you.
• Accept help and support when offered.
• It’s okay to cry. Crying can help ease the pain and make you feel better.
• It’s okay to be angry. You may be angry with yourself, God , the person who died or others.
• Be good to yourself. Take a hot bath, go for a walk or take in a movie.
• Depression is not uncommon in those who grieve. Be careful not to totally withdraw from others.
• Don’t throw yourself into your work or other activities so that you are left with no time for grieving.
• Everyone handles loss differently and in their own time.

The Stages of Grief

The death of a loved one is one of the most stressful situations we will ever face in life. While it will not lessen the pain, please realize that what is happening to you is quite natural. Over the next while your emotions will probably alternate back and forth among the following:

• Shock and Denial - You may feel numb and a voice inside may be saying "No!" There is denial and disbelief.
• Disorganization - You may be out of touch with the ordinary proceedings of life. There is confusion. You break from your daily routine and may even be forgetful.
• Anger - You may be angry at God, doctors, the hospital, family or friends. Don’t let these feelings simmer - get them out in a non-destructive way. Often, talking openly helps diffuse the anger.
• Guilt and Bargaining - This is the period of the "if onlys". If only I had…, If only he had…, If only we hadn’t… . This often results in unrealistic guilt. The Sacrament of Reconciliation or a face-to-face talk with your priest can be a tremendous help in dealing with these feelings.
• Physical and Emotional Distress - Some of the symptoms of physical distress are sleeplessness, tightness in the throat, shortness of breath, sighing, and poor appetite. Emotional distress symptoms are a sense of unreality, emotional distance from people, feelings of panic, thoughts of self-destruction, or the desire to run away.
• Depression - Feelings of despair, self-pity, emptiness and hopelessness. These feelings may be intensified in those with small families or who live alone.
• Loss and Loneliness - This is a very painful stage. The reality of the empty chair at the table or the quiet house. Sadness and depression follow and self-pity is frequent. Problems which were once shared become magnified when faced alone.
• Withdrawal - The bereaved withdraw from social relationships and activities. Usual daily routines are disrupted.
• Acceptance - This stage begins slowly. Hope begins to soften feelings of guilt, anger and the sense of loss. Acceptance will be mixed with feelings of anxiety and guilt. With acceptance comes peace.
• Reaching out - When you emerge from your grief you will find that you have grown in warmth, understanding and wisdom.